Mean Aunt Amy
2007 Copyright © A. Geraldine Marks

I have a Mean Aunt Amy.

She hides behind doors and jumps out to scare me.

She says, “I’m gonna get you!” and chases me through the house.

When Grandma and I play puzzle, Mean Aunt Amy hides the last piece under her elbow.

Then she pretends she didn’t know it was there.

If I blow bubbles, Mean Aunt Amy pops them with her finger.

And she pokes at my blocks until they all fall down.

At the ice cream shop she steals candy off my sundae and eats it with her spoon.

Then she never lets me win when we race on the way home, even though she’s bigger.

“Be nice, Amy!” says Grandma. But when she turns her back, Mean Aunt Amy sticks out her tongue at me.

She cries, “Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo! Mean Aunt Amy!!” and then runs away laughing.

Life with Mean Aunt Amy can be so difficult.

Then one day Grandma got Mean Aunt Amy ready to go to a place called college. “It’s about time we had some peace and quiet around here,” Grandma said.

Now I never find rubber frogs under my pillow when I wake up.

And nobody burps at the dinner table.

Daddy makes mistakes playing tic-tac-toe so I can win.

And Momma doesn’t change the words of my bedtime stories to make them silly.

When we’re in a restaurant, there is no one to blow the paper wrapper from my straw at.

Or to get me extra candy mints on the way out.

I make mud pies and Momma and Daddy won’t even pretend to eat them.

And nobody flies me through the air like I’m a rocket…

Or plays my favorite game of water balloon-tag-hide-‘n-seek which Mean Aunt Amy made up just for me.

Life without Mean Aunt Amy can be so…Boring!

[Picture: Door opens to reveal M.A.A., home for school vacation]

“Aunt Amy!”

[Picture: M.A.A. flips the child upside down]

“Aunt Amy, I didn’t miss you at all!”

“Me neither, Boo-boo. Now let’s go fill some water balloons!”